would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
