They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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