Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
