I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
