Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
