i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize