How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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