U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
