That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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