just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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