Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
