apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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