In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
