Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
