No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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