member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
