saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
