I'm eating all of the evidence.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
