Where are you?
In a non slutty way
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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