He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
