Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
