I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
