If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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