I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize