Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
