I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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