You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
People in love make me want to vomit
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
