you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
