At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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