If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
