Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
