mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
