When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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