how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
