But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize