My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
