my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Be still, my beating vagina.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
