Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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