so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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