My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
