So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
