THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
