Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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