so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
