I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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