my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
