...so i touched it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
