he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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