So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
