My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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