I've blown a few things in my day
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
