We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
