Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
