I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
