Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You can't special order awesome
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize