i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize