check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
