I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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