i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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