the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
