You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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