He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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