1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
