Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
