His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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