Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
