ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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